how did I get here?

I think I'm depressed or I'm suffering a major mid life crisis.

I caught a glimpse of myself and I didn't like person I've become.

Fail on so many different points:

• socially. I feel isolated and separate from my 'friends'. I am so fucking boring now that people slot me between appointments. Being self-employed and working from home isn't helping.
• overweight. WTF happened?
• business. I worked so hard for so very little financially
• family. was i so focussed on reestablishing my new career that I missed the little things?

I don't know where to begin to make myself happier- if I go back to the psychs I don't think this is going to help

Its hard to shut down the visualisation of hanging myself or jumping off a bridge.  The only thing that is holding me back are the kids.

Playing with a Mood Board

Decided to try putting together virtual mood board, as I need to pick paint colour and bed styles for the kids. Unfortunately, my taste is very eclectic and there are some practical necessities, like storage, but its nice to have a look as I haven't got a particular style in mind.

http://mydeco.com/rooms/detail/child-bedroom-1201370/

On a positive note

Well, today is Thanksgiving, so taking a hint from the Americans, I am thankful that today I could take the kids to the doctor without explaining it to anyone else.

I also purchased two items for the new house today-  the budget is tight, so I'm ebaying hard.

a. A Large Silver Framed Mirror  $167

I overpaid a bit on this item as it was IKEA, and the seller was so thankful, she dropped it off to me! 

This will go in either the living room or the kids bedroom, as we have fireplaces.  I have decided to paint both fireplaces white, as they are not that special, and with the dark wood, stick out like a sore thumb.

b. Beatrix Potter Curtains  $49



One of the curtains is apparently a little sunfaded, but with sunblock lining, so will help the west-facing bedroom.

Poor A was sent to the paint shop a while ago, and asked to match Peter Rabbit Blue (front colour)

4.42pm- just plain tired

I am really tired and I have to find some motivation to get things done.

Its times like this when I wonder why I bother trying to work.  If I just lowered my lifestyle expectations a little, I wouldn't need to work, on a financial level, but I think I would be bored, and I already found out that I don't fit, in the area that we live in, with the other SAHMs.

Today, the TT didn't eat breakfast, and threw up on me at 8.30am.  J is also coughing harder- she has this annoying cough that has run three weeks, but not seen a doctor.

So they stayed home while I attempted to work.  The TV helped a bit, but I also cut out time today monitoring lunch, driving and then sitting in the doctors surgery, for over an hour, while they tried to fit us in.
I held TT while he slept.

Just buggered and need some sort of pick me up.

A new day- a new diary

My Quo Vadis Trinote planner arrived today from the UK.  There was an Australian Distributor, but I may have left it too late as the only option left was turd brown, so I looked overseas.  For an extra $4, I managed to grab a beautiful blue one from the UK and if its the *perfect* diary, I'll just buy a refill next year.  Would have loved a teal or fresh green one, but I was unable to find anyone in the US who was willing to post overseas.

Hopefully, it's the perfect size- bigger than A5 (Kikki K was too small), but less than A4. 

Mental note for next year- you bought it at Bureau Direct, and you googled a coupon.

I also bought a Kikki K family calendar for next year- the small size is just right for us, and even better Kikki K sent members a 20% discount voucher.

Getting Back on the Wagon

I finally made it back to the gym again, after a long hiatus due to being ill.

Hmmm..not so good.  Today weighed in at 82kg, when my goal weight is 65kg.

Huffed and puffed on the treadmill (2.1kms) and the bike (11.72kms)

Now aiming for a 5 kg loss by Xmas (77kg) and 10% loss (74 kg) by Australia Day.

The Xmas Pics and beach pics aren't going to be pretty, but its a start.

Paint-obsessed!

A bit tired- the tiny terrorist is ill with now diagnosed tonsilitis, so he is sleeping with us at night.

Currently obsessed with paint selection.

1st issue- small house
2nd- different light & orientations

The first 2 bedrooms face west.
The 3rd bedroom faces south and has a small window
The 4th/living area has a small north window on the main wall, and a large glass window/door to the east.

Am very confused- light will vary significantly.  Light from the west is yellow-toned, light from the south is apparently grey and it'll be my dark room, and the living area is a bit of a tunnel.

The non-tinted white is Vivid White
Warm whites are recommended for south facing/dark rooms
Cool whites are recommended for north rooms

Should I paint them all differently?

I want to cover all woodwork frames with white, as I don't consider the wood to be a design feature.

Warm whites- options appear to be Chalk USA, but I really like Fair Bianca 1/2 for when we painted our currently dark home.

Also thinking about painting the wall behind the tv area (a bit horrified at the size mentioned to me)- choices (french grey? taupe ie hog bristle? or chocolate ie Toffee Fingers),  not sure how it will go with a non perfect wall.

Yes, will probably end up calling the Dulux paint consultant.